The Best Tuna Fish Sandwich Ever
by Stylin' Breeze
Summary: Kuroo, Yaku, and three of their teammates go to eat tuna fish sandwiches at Kuroo's house. But Kuroo is hiding a terrible secret


**Written for Fanworks Day 2020 (February 15)**

**Enjoy~**

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"Kitty!" Lev screeched.

The black cat in the living room hissed with fur on end, but that didn't deter Lev from charging for it. The feline vanished in a blur down the hall.

"Kuro-chan only likes you if you have her food," the cat's owner Tetsurou teased.

"Dude, you named your cat 'Kuro-chan'?" said Tora.

"'Twas my mom's idea," Kuroo shrugged, but the grin from ear to ear betrayed how much he liked the moniker too.

They had arrived fresh from studying at the Kozumes' next door. Kenma, Tetsurou, Tora, Lev, and Morisuke clashed over where to get a bite until Kenma decreed they just have sandwiches at Kuroo's.

"Guys! You have to try the tuna Kuroo has. It's the best!" Yaku had said, his face sparkling like a boardwalk at night.

Seated at the table now, Yamamoto and Haiba listened to Morisuke excessively extolling the virtues of the forthcoming tuna fish. Kenma, tapping away at a controller, followed Kuroo into the adjacent kitchen like an imprinted duckling. He chanced a glance as Kuroo retrieved two cans of tuna—one from the cupboard, one from the pantry—and distributed the first can equally among four sandwiches. The second can Tetsurou suspiciously spread exclusively on the sandwich intended for Yaku. When Kuroo caught Kenma looking askance at the second can's label, he commanded his friend's silence by pressing one finger to his lips.

Kuroo served up the plates, and Yaku ravenously began devouring his. He savored the familiar, superior taste he got every time at Kuroo's house. Its smell pungently filled the air—proof of the tuna's authenticity, he assessed. Its tartness penetrated his taste buds like a drill. Juices soaked into the bread, permeating the flavor throughout the wheat. No other brand of tuna rivaled this.

Enjoying the libero's supernal sighs, Kuroo ignored the piercing scowl from Kenma.

"Ijn't thish amajing, guys?" Yaku exclaimed with a mouthful. Lev and Tora chewed their sandwiches like food critics.

"Dude, tastes normal to me," said Tora finally.

"It's good, but," Lev began with obvious puzzlement, "it tastes exactly like what my mom buys."

"You guys just have no taste buds," Yaku dismissed, before Kuroo's cat mewing around his feet got so irritating he pushed it away. Kuroo turned around so no one would see him trying not to snicker, but it only made his gesture more obvious.

"What's got you?" Morisuke questioned the host.

"I have a confession to make. I gave everyone else a different brand," Kuroo grinned. "Only the best for you, Yakkun."

"Seriously? You just tryna make me look stupid then?" Morisuke furrowed his brow. "OK, fine. What brand _did_ you give me?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Yup. Tell us."

"All right then," said Kuroo who nabbed the open can on the counter that his curious cat Kuro-chan was now sniffing.

"OK, everyone," Yaku called to get the group's attention when taking the can. "I'm serious. This is the best tuna you can buy." He broadcasted the label aloud as if announcing the winner of an award. "_Friskies Premium Select All-White Ocean Tuna!_"

No one said anything. Yaku's brain stalled, unable to process he was holding a can of _pet food_.

And before the volcanic Mt. Yaku could erupt on Kuro-mpeii, it was Yamamoto who broke the silence when he launched into the most egregious, uncontrollable cackle. Tetsurou descended into mocking laughter next, not even flinching when Yaku chucked the can of cat tuna at his skull.

Kenma, mortified he ever considered Kuroo a friend, let his head rest in his palm while Lev blinked dumbfounded.

"You are the vilest, most despicable, uncouth, uncivilized, atrocious, demented human being on the planet!" Yaku excoriated.

"Why?! Because I gave you what you _loved_?!" Tetsurou fingered between giggling fits.

And then everyone fell silent again when Lev took the remnants of Yaku's sandwich and, without an iota of hesitation, chomped off a bite. Not a word was spoken as the first-year carefully mashed the serving, his face contorting as if earnestly gauging its quality. The only one not paying attention was Kuro-chan, licking directly out of the can on the floor.

And at last Lev swallowed with a gigantic smile.

"Yaku, you're right! That _is_ good!"

None of them spoke of the incident again.


End file.
